Where do I go from here?


Grief is an interesting emotion.

The world believes they grieve with you, and on many levels they do. But when the funeral is over and you have closed the door on the last guest, the true journey begins – the very deep and very personal side of grief emerges. The shocking realization of your loss becomes quite clear.

Family, friends, and loved ones have publicly mourned, therefore; they believe you are on the road to recovery and the rhythm of life has returned.  We return to work and the daily routine of life. We grocery shop, sort mail, pay bills, prepare meals, mow the grass. Routine chores can be comforting; they allow us to forget ourselves for awhile.

We strive for a sense of normal, but the new normal has shifted so far that we have lost our footing and our emotional foundation can begin to crumble. We need to put our lives back in some sort of order (whatever that means) and pick up the pieces. The problem is we forget how deep the river of grief flows, and at times are overwhelmed by the intensity of the current.  

The question surfaces, where do I go from here? How do I walk this walk?

I am walking the walk of grief. I lost my Mom November 11,  2009. My lovely Mother was seventy-nine yrs old and had her share of health issues over the last few years. Aging can be debilitating, but she bore it with every ounce of strength and dignity in her.

Before her health declined she was full of life. She was a strong and determined person and a major presence in my life and many others that knew her.  A gale force wind of sorts – nothing seemed to blow her over, not even the early passing of her husband and my father. She had an indeterminable spirit and an unwavering faith.

So, life goes on right? Losing your Mom is one of the most significant losses of your life. I never knew something could cut so deep into my soul and penetrate every aspect of life. So, where do you go from here?

The flood gates of emotion have opened. Stay tuned for more thoughts on life, loss and mother-daughter relationships.

 

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3 thoughts on “Where do I go from here?

  1. Oh Debbie… what a gorgeous picture… I am right there with ya sister… You have written MY feelings too… I love you for that!

  2. Oh Debbie I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose your mom in body. Her spirit will always be with you. Some suttle reminders will keep her alive. smells, smiles, tunes, expressions, fears, etc so many things will keep her right there.
    When I was a little girl, I use to think about what it would be like to lose my mom and I would cry a just the thought. I still do, and as time goes on I fear it more and more. My mom is my life line, my best friend and the only one who I believe loves me uncondiitionally. I pray god will give me the strength to handle that day it I don’t go before her. I wish that sometimes but hey I’m not ready, I have a granddaughter to live on for. So I’m I asking for my mom to live past 100. YES.
    Thanks for this my friend and hang in there.

    • Hello Friend –

      Yes, there are so many reminders everywhere. I used to think the very same thing about losing my Mom . . . how will I be able to do this ,. . . . but God is amazing and He gives you the strength to stand strong when you never thought you could/would. Doesn’t mean the pain goes away, but He finds a way to push us on through their spirit.

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